HT #4: I CAN'T IMAGINE BEING MY SISTER

I think my youngest sister has such a heavy soul. She's just 11, yet many people see her like an enemy. People are mocking, mad, and yelling at her because sometimes she's so annoying. But after all, she's just a kid.



Our mom left us when she was 4 months-old. Can you imagine being a child that doesn't even have a chance to remember her mother's face? This world can't be more unfair to her. She's just a baby. Now she grows up without knowing how it feels like to have a mom, just like the other kids.


As my mom's gone, I think I have to take care of her but I'm too busy taking care of myself, handling my anger, controlling my sanity, and holding my tears back every time I realize that I don't have a mom anymore. I forget that now she's my responsibility. It means I  failed.


I feel sorry every time I hear someone treat her badly. And that feeling gets worse when I realize that I'm as bad as those who make her feel tiny. I can't imagine walking in my sister's shoes. If I were her, I also wouldn't have any courage to look people in the eyes, because the pain they caused me, killed me since day one.


God, I'm in tears while typing this because my brain keeps showing me how bad I am as a sibling. If I could return to the past, I wanna be a little bit better, at least treating her right as a human.


Now we get older, it's too late to teach her the good and bad because she already has her own thoughts towards everything. After all that I did, only regrets stuck in my mind. I could be a better sister if I wasn't selfish at that time. As I am the oldest sister, I promise myself to get success to give a better life for her, I don't want her suffering just like me in the past. She deserves better.

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